


Heartbreaker

by vodkamutiny (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-17
Updated: 2013-12-17
Packaged: 2018-01-04 22:12:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1086249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/vodkamutiny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You didn’t love her. You didn’t think you ever would, not in the way she wanted you to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heartbreaker

**Author's Note:**

> oh look it's some heart-wrenching katnep what a surprise

To some people, it’s just a piece of fabric. Ratty from overuse, obviously worn from the amounts of love its owner showed it. The little white buttons are close to falling off, hanging on by threads. But you take the fabric glue you borrowed from Kanaya and stick them back on, smoothing the wrinkled surface down. Your knuckles are white against it.

To some people, it’s just a piece of fabric. To your old friend Nepeta Leijon, it was the once piece of clothing she cherished more than anything else.

It was your first day on the meteor when word got out that she maybe sort of kind of liked you. You had seen Feferi whisper something to Sollux, and Sollux whisper something to Terezi, and Terezi hiss something in Vriska’s ear and you heard the spider girl cackle. And you being a nosy little kid like everyone was at six sweeps old, you nudged Terezi and asked what she was talking about. At first, she hesitated, but after a bit of prodding on your part you managed to coax the secret out of her.

“I’m not entirely certain, but the evidence shown suggests there’s a little catgirl with some feelings for you. Reeeeed ones. Positively _vermilion_!” Terezi nudges you, and your eyes glance over to said catgirl, doodling on her tablet computer with a glassy look in her eyes. She’s not ugly, not at all, but she's not your type. In some ways, she’s almost like a wiggler, with her big doe eyes and button nose and huge smiles. Her teeth still poke out awkwardly from her lips, like they haven’t quite grown in, and she’s small and her hair is choppy and uneven, as if she cut it herself.

She catches you looking, and smiles at you, waving slightly. Grumbling under your breath, you turn back to your husktop, lifting your hands to the side of your head. “Awww, Karkat, are you getting flustered?” Terezi giggles, poking you with her bony elbows. “I’m not interested.” You mumble.

“What?”

“I said I’m not interested. In...Nepeta, I mean.” You tack on the last bit, feeling the tips of your ears warm a little bit.

“But she’s so smitten! Surely-”

“No.”

Terezi pouts, and tugs on your hair. “You're an absolute _heartbreaker_.” She simpers, before breaking into laughter.

God, you really didn't like that word.

Later on, when you’ve got a splitting headache and you’re sitting at your husktop with your fingers rubbing your temples and your face scrunched up in pain, you hear a slight scuffle of feet and someone pulls up a chair next to you.

“Are you doing okay?” There’s that telltale, sugary voice that you know all too well.

“I’m fine, Nepeta. You can go back to roleplaying furry interracial sex with Jade now.” She makes an offended noise at your comment, and you think she’s got her hands on her hips. “My roleplaying is completely apurrpriate, I can assure you that!”

You don’t respond, and Nepeta sighs. “I will be right back.” You hear her walk away, and there’s a faint sound of something being poured, before she returns to your side. Something clinks as its set on the table next to you, and you lift your head to look. It’s a little pink teacup with a matching saucer, the handle the tail of a black cat. It’s steaming, and when you glance at what’s inside, it’s a honeyed brown color. “Chameowmile. It helps headaches.” Nepeta clarifies from behind you.

You feel a gloved hand on your shoulder. “If you ever need anything, I’m here fur you, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, alright.” You wave her off, trying not to say too much so you don’t lead her on. Her fingers squeeze slightly, before they’re gone, and you hear her footsteps pad away and the faint hum of a transportalizer.

You glance around, making sure there’s no one left in the room. And you lift her little teacup to your lips, and take a long sip.

That was one of the last times you ever saw her, because not too long afterwards, all your friends lose their goddamn minds and start going on a killing rampages, and when you and Terezi finally meet up she pulls you over and tells you the casualties, voice hushed and her tone grim. Tavros was speared by Vriska, Equius was choked with a bowstring, and Nepeta had been beaten to death. ‘Beaten?’ You repeat incredulously, your eyes narrowed. Terezi nods solemnly. ‘Either Gamzee or Vriska. Lots of blood, it was pretty brutal.’

It all becomes too real when you see Gamzee’s makeshift jury table and her head is there. The face of a child stares at you from the table, her unseeing eyes full of fear and her messy hair all matted in blood. 

It hurt, for a moment. But like you did with all your deceased friends, you put it to the back of your mind, promised to grieve later. You put thoughts of Nepeta aside when you papped Gamzee into submission and watched as the next few events unfolded, including Sollux’s untimely death and the humans’ arrival.

It had maybe been a sweep, and now you’re feeling it all.

She didn’t deserve it. No one deserved a fate such as hers, not even Gamzee himself. It would be a lie to say that you didn’t blame yourself, since you were the one to send Equius after the crazed juggalo in the first place, and you should have known that Nepeta would tag along and you should have known that Equius wouldn’t have fought back. But you were a coward and hung back until it was too late, you, the one who Nepeta loved so much, let her die. God, she was just a kid. A sweet, beautiful, wonderful kid who had the misfortune of developing feelings for you when you were too wrapped up in yourself to reciprocate.

In your respiteblock, you press your palms against your fogging eyes. The little blue hat hangs limply from your fist.

You didn’t love her. You didn’t think you ever would, not in the way she wanted you too. But even so, if you had given her a chance, you could have showed her that she was valued, that you appreciated everything she did for you, even if you pushed her away. That even though it seemed her efforts were in vain, they meant something far bigger than you could have imagined. Although she never verbally lead, she was a precious member of your team; an image of purity.

Was she content in the dream bubbles? Had she perhaps found happiness with another Karkat who had given her a chance, who didn’t reject her and belittle her and avoid her? If there was anyone who deserved a peaceful afterlife, it was Nepeta. You hope she has a castle made of sugar cubes, and there’s giant beasts open for her hunting roaming all around, and she’s reunited with her beloved lusus. You hope that she has plenty of purrbeasts to keep her company.

Your hands shake as you run your thumb over each little wrinkle in the fabric. Her name is scrawled on the underside; all lowercase, with her signature double-mouthed cat face doodled beside it. Your chest constricts and you squeeze the little accessory tight.

In your mind, you form a sentence, and pray that somehow, some way, it makes it to her.

‘Thank you, Nepeta.’

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Dedicated to Christina Li by George Watsky.


End file.
